The ‘nouns and verbs game’ and other jobseeker skills.

Good old centrelink is making me do job-seeker training with the salvation army. So far I have been 6 times and am almost at the desperation point. I managed to work it so that I only have to come in 2 days a week for 6 weeks over an 8 week period instead of the usual three weeks full time deal and hopefully I will find otherways out before I have to suffer to many of these classes.

At the first class I went one of the highlights was the finding your ideal job game. This game involved trying to find a job that you could delude yourself into thinking was good and therefore motivate you to work. To find the job we were going to explore the ‘hidden job market’ – which according to our commissar there are only 300 types of jobs advertised but over 12,000 that are not and are in the hidden job market. When i asked for an example of each I was told the 300 category was ‘ordinary jobs’ and the 12,000 category was unusual jobs – job that aren’t in the age. Still unsure of the distinction I asked for more precise examples. So then our commissar listed some ordinary jobs and hidden job market jobs – which ran something like this…


Ordinary job Market Hidden Job Market
Lawyer Prostitute
Administrator Pet Psychologist
CEO Horse groomer
etc etc

Now we were informed that our ideal job would probably be found in the hidden job market. To find our ideal job we would have to play the ‘nouns and verbs game’… although this is not the title used it is more accurate then its actual name ‘the fields and skills game’. To play, and consequently find your ideal job, first you have to pick 3 nouns(fields) that relate to something you are interested in then you have to pick 4 verbs(skills) that you are capable of.

My nouns were: art media and sport
My verbs were: reading, running, cooking, (and something else which I have forgotten now)

Then you combine the verbs and nouns and make jobs out of them… one of these jobs will be your ideal job – the job that will justify taking shitting jobs because eventually you will get to your ideal through them.

So my combinations were:
sports runner sports reader sports cook …
media runner media reader media cook …
art runner art reader art cook ….

from these I was to choose three to move onto the next round, these three were then translated by someone else in the class into an actual job… I chose sports runner (translated into long distance runner), media reader (translated into news presenter) and media cook (translated into cooking show host).

After a series of questions that judged the positions against our lifestyle Long Distance runner came up as my ideal job, but seeing as I am a smoker I fudged the results so that Cooking Show Host was my ideal…

…That has been the only exercise that I have been made to complete properly (in what sense of the term the Salvation Army is using). Now whenever I am forced to go there I devote myself entirely to leaving early…

The methods of control and surveillance that they use are a roll and the collection of the work books. The work books thing isn’t really a problem because as long as there are markings in the space for anwers they are happy…the roll is a different matter. It is controlled by the commissar and if people don’t get their name signed off and initialled by themselves then the Salvos tell centrelink to cut payments – a point that is highlighted every session. This is used in order to prevent people from leaving early. But due to the intensity of work at their office, they can’t devote too much time to surveilling people. Hence the commissar is only usually around for a bit 1 hour then they have to go off and do their office work. During this time people are meant to do the workbooks and self directed activities – but if you can get yourself signed off for the day you can leave early…

Hence, my days with the salvos usually involve one hour with the commissar after which I either manage to get a sign off or find an excuse to leave the building ‘to get something vital for my self-directed acitivities’ and come back when they are ready to sign people out…

so far I am managing to get out of around 80% of the time they are demanding…although I suspect that this is somewhat expected, it is horrific to have to devote a single moment of my time to dealing with these people. Complicating this is the fact that I have delayed doing this torture so much that I fear that just as they stop this they will start the next level of harrassment straight away.

BTW: here is another lesson – having a job means having 4x the money that you get on the dole, therefore your lifestyle is improved 4x. To illustrate this our commissar told us how when she was unemployed she couldn’t buy a coffee whilst hanging out with her 3 year old. But now that she has a job she would be able to do that… but because of work she is more often stuck in traffic as she races from work to the childcare centre in order to pickup her child before they start overcharging her then hanging out outside coffee shops with her daughter.

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About barkingcoins
This author is just another fucking dickhead.

4 Responses to The ‘nouns and verbs game’ and other jobseeker skills.

  1. Tom says:

    So far I’ve delayed actually appointing a time to do my job-seeker training. I have a meeting next week – to appoint a time – and if I can’t delay it any further then I will whip out my enrolment verification and say it’s too late. Or something.
    I wish I could drink coffee whilst hanging out with 3 year olds. Are the salvos still hiring?

  2. petraziegler says:

    petraziegler – Have a nice day 🙂

  3. w0khimdn says:

    Радиокомпоненты Провод! +79185093159 Электрика.

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