On A Neighbourly Assault

… both he (the Great Dreadful Jasper) and Sarah had gone out to complete various tasks and I was at the squat fixing the basement door’s broken window, which had been causing Sarah and I to panic at the sound of a car coming down the street. I had just nailed a piece of board over the broken window when some ‘geezer’ asked what I was doing. I replied to the unobservant ‘geezer’ that I was planing a piece of board to block the hole in the window, an activity that I had had to do because the board was too far across to shut the door. He then asked if I was living in this place, to which I replied in the affirmative. Then continuing with his inane questioning he asked if I had broken in, to which I replied in the negative. Finally, he told me that he thought that I was a squatter and that he was going to call the police. Since I had had no contact with the British Police and was still petrified at committing ‘petty offences’ this assertion scared the shit out of me.

Knowing that the police could not enter a place, with an uncooperative resident if they had to break in I quickly tried to secure the basement door. I planed like I had never planed before. Then slammed the door shut, only to find that the board had been nailed far too close to the edge for the door to close properly. To solve this predicament I simply pulled harder at the top and bolted the top corner in, thus leaving the door closed at a fairly odd angle, but closed nonetheless. I then raced up to the first floor and fetched our copy of the Squatters hand-book and legal notice. No sooner had I started to read the ‘What to do if the Police arrive bit’ then police arrived. After talking to the geezer for a bit they approached our door and looked in the hole in the door designed for mail – not cops. Without saying a word I handed them a legal notice to which the cops laughed and explained to the geezer that they could do nothing about us and our squat, but consoling the aggrieved Geezer with the fact that they thought we were ‘pathetic’. After that the police left, although another cop car arrived shortly after and just sat outside for a while, the incident was proof enough for me that it should be difficult to force us out of the squat.

Early on in our stay at Burton street this same neighbour had scared us by tell us that ‘geezers’ would come and kick us out. This statement although terrifying at first lost its terror after a number of days passed with no sight of geezers. This lapse of time without Geezers and the incident with the impotent police has made us realize that our security concerns have been largely psychological…


About barkingcoins
This author is just another fucking dickhead.

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